Welcome Aubrie Lilian!

Our little dear has entered the world! I've been in pretty high demand since she's stepped on the scene so this is the first chance I've gotten to update. I'll start with her birth story...

Monday afternoon Ian and I made sure our house was nice and tidy and our bag was packed before heading to Olive Garden for our last lunch date before Aubrie. It felt surreal that after lunch we'd be going to the hospital and not coming home without her! We get to the hospital and immediately I felt nervous. I am not a fan of hospitals. It's not a phobia or anything they're just so sterile, uncomfortable, and full of policies that are in the best interest of insurance companies, not patients. By 6pm the induction process began... things went as smoothly as a hospital induction could go and by the morning I was geeked to see how far I'd progressed. Things were steadily moving along and around 1pm my water was broke. Within the hour I had dilated to 6cm and was getting excited to meet our girl shortly. As the day went on, things got 'tricky'. I was not making any further progress... Still dilated to 6cm, baby girl was not 'fully' in my birth canal and she was face up, not down. Her heart-rate was being strange at times and my contractions stopped being frequent and constant. I was getting discouraged but knew things would eventually get moving. By 8pm the doctor said she'd give me another hour and if there was still no progress... I'd have to get a c-section. UM WHAT?! The word c-section is as terrible for me as the F word so to say the least I was crushed. I had a constant flow of tears and a terribly unsettling feeling about it. Ian and I prayed and prayed that God would allow me to delivery vaginally. 

Ian's mom Phyllis came in a prayed with us and I began to feel peace. I was praying hard that at 9pm when she checked me I'd have progressed and the c-section would be out of the question. The doctor came in at 9pm and apologized because she knew I didn't want a c-section but nothing had changed. I hadn't dilated in over 8 hours, I was only effaced to about 60%, baby was face up and not fully in the birth canal. To top it off my contractions were still irregular, so a c-section it would have to be. She said the anesthesiologist was currently in the ER then would head to the OR because there was already a woman prepped and ready for her c-section before me. After the woman was completed it would be my turn... the doctor estimated about 11:30pm I'd be taken back and before the hour was up the baby would be out. She told me to try and rest, as the nurse turned off my fluids, IV, pitocin, and turned down the epidural I cried and prayed. I laid there begging God for peace... I didn't want to be bitter about the way Aubrie entered the world but rejoice that she'd be here, healthy! I didn't want to be angry that things didn't go my way or upset that I'd be having a major surgery. I tried to remember what's important... a healthy girl, not a vaginal delivery. I know for some mamas they desire a c-section or even see it as easier, for me this is not the case. For many reasons I don't feel like expounding on I absolutely did not want a c-section. To each his own, right? So as I prayed, wept, recited scripture and worshipped God for who He is - His peace came.

I fell into a light sleep knowing my God, who is sovereign, knows and ordains every detail... it was comforting. Bring on the c-section! I must of fell asleep a little after 10:30pm and at about 11:15pm woke up to the doctor coming in the room to take me back. She said that she'll check me one last time before we head back and I say a quick prayer "By You're grace, for Your glory" and as she checks me her expression changes drastically. She says I'm now FINALLY fully effaced and dilated to 9cm! AHH! I was so joyful! She told the nurse to cancel the c-section and keep the iv, fluids, pitocin and epidural all turned down and to let me know when I felt ready to push. About 20 minutes later I told the nurse "Let's do this."  The doctor came in and after 23 minutes of pushing baby girl came out and was laid on my chest. Ian and I got to admire and adore her for about 45 minutes until she got cleaned up, weighed, measured and swaddled back in my arms. She weighed 6 pounds and 6 ounces, she was 19 and 3/4 inches long and officially entered the world at 12:18 on the 28th of December. Glory to God, glory to God in the highest. Some might say it was the rest that caused the change in my body, or just coincidence, but not me. I believe in prayer to a living God, a God who listens, intercedes and loves His children. It's amazing to me that after diligent prayer and a 40 minute nap everything was perfectly ready. I don't know why things went the way they did - maybe they happened that way so I would trust God fully? Maybe to allow me to pray pray pray... who knows?

Fast forward 8 days and here I am sitting in bed while she sleeps on my chest. Looking at her little face it feels surreal, still. I feel like someone is letting me borrow this fragile, precious creation and again I don't know why? For an opportunity to trust God fully? Maybe to allow me to pray pray pray, maybe to humble me, to help me learn not to be so selfish, to surrender control... who knows? Of SO MANY things I am unsure about motherhood but one thing I am confident of for Aubrie's life... it's what I prayed at the hospital and will continue to pray as long as I live... 'God, by Your grace, for Your glory.'