My Bone to Pick...

Prior to giving birth I heard MANY birth stories. Good ones and bad ones alike... stories about outrageously long labors, hours of pushing, stitches, hemorrhoids - you name it, I heard it. Some women have gone through enormous amounts of pain and complications to have their precious babies lying on their chest. My actual delivery with Aubrie wasn't terrible. I'm sure I can credit that to relief in not having to have a c-section. When I was told I could push I was beyond excited and ready to show the doctors that I could in-fact deliver vaginally. When it hurt (because it MOST DEFINITELY did) I didn't care as much because, to me, it was better then a c-section. So, maybe because I came so close to having a c-section, delivery for me was beautiful!

Breastfeeding on the other hand. Not. So. Much. I did not hear 1 story about breastfeeding my entire pregnancy. Now now, I'm trying hard not to be bitter... If I had heard horror stories I may have not been so determined. Because that's one thing I am in this breastfeeding war I feel like I'm fighting - determind. Not so naive anymore, but still determined. While I was pregnant I read up on breastfeeding (got a book even!), read articles, and blogs. I saw pictures of breastfeeding with moms smiling, baby smiling, the sun shining and everything seemed lovely. Well it took about 24 hours of Aubrie's arrival to know those pictures are like McDonald billboards, we all know Big Mac's do not actually look or taste like the pictures. 

Once Aubrie was born within 10 minutes or so her and I tried our luck at nursing. Not too successful but I wasn't worried, she was only 20 minutes old. At the hospital some nurses took a look at us nursing, gave a few nuggets of advice and left the room saying 'good luck!' By the time we were home from the hospital my nipples were already beyond the point of 'really sore'. Within a few days of being home I was weeping at the thought of nursing, couldn't do it without squeezing Ian's hand, crying, gritting my teeth so hard that it's still hard to chew and questioning myself every time. My girl is the master sucker, she has an awesome latch and works hard to get her belly full. Me on the other hand - I'm the slacker in our little nursing duo. It could be my sensitive skin, I'm just a wimp or my need for further humility and sanctification but my poor nips//boobs were not cut out for the job. I'll spare the gory details but say that I'd rather give birth  then go through the first 10 days of nursing again. Extreme but I'm serious.

Thanks be to God it is getting better! I am SO excited for the day when it doesn't hurt. I was unprepared and shocked at the pain and my own complications with nursing. I have not had bad latching, sucking or milk production issues but have learned about those things through my trials and pains. I hope that if anything, the fact that I'm still nursing Aubrie is an encouragement - it's that good. The benefits my breast milk has for our girl are worth the pain. The time and bond we share because of it are worth the tears, cracks, blood, blisters, and aches. I know I can do this and I know that soon (hopefully real soon) I will feel content, peaceful and excited to feed Aubrie. I know that I wouldn't have been able to get through this first few days without a few friends answering my questions and reminding me that I. can. do. it! Also, Ian has been more supportive then I ever expected. When he's not at work, he's right there getting me water, rubbing my back and encouraging me through the pain. I told him the other day and I mean it - everything is better when you have an awesome husband. He was off work for the first week Aubrie was born and every time I nursed her, he was right there. 

Got Milk?

I read this post the other day and cried... (it seems like I cry a lot now... geeze). {Dear Mommy...} It reminded me of the reasons I chose to nurse Aubrie and why I will continue to nurse her. I realize some mama's have a hard time like me and for others it's a walk in the park... So I guess the 'bone I'd pick' would be with my own weakness, only hearing fairytale nursing stories and my fear. Pray for me that I can view nursing Aubrie in a positive light every single time. Not just when she's napping and I'm on the couch typing this.