Pregnancy Recap

This will be the last pregnancy update, seeing as I won't make it to the full 40 weeks of pregnancy. Let's journey together...

"PREGNANT"

Mid April I began feeling odd, tired and odd. Easter morning we decided I should take a simple pregnancy test that reads "pregnant" or "not pregnant". The directions said the first morning pee was usually the best indicator and we got the test in the afternoon, so I planned to take it the next morning. We were laying down to nap (as we love to do) and I couldn't sleep. I felt that I was in-fact pregnant and thought, 'just go in the bathroom, pee, and confirm it,' so as Ian slept I gently nudged him telling him I was going to take the test... he said ok and off I went. I peed and stared at the blank reader, waiting. I covered it with my hand and turned my head away and tried to shut my eyes... I couldn't figure out how I wanted to find out. During my thoughts 'PREGNANT' popped up and my eyes got wide, I smiled and nodded. I looked at the reader for a minute with no other thought but 'WOW'. I grabbed the test brought it into our bedroom... as soon as I opened the door Ian said "so...?" and I told him "I am, look..." and he sat up, grabbed the test (I covered the part I peed on, don't worry) and had a look of disbelief. He said 'awesome!' (or something like that) and that's when I started to cry. 

Why did I cry? I want to say it was shock alone, but it was more than that. It was a cry of my selfishness, knowing it didn't stand a chance, it was a farewell cry to aspects of my life I thought I could control, it was a cry of fear, how our lives would change. I also cried for excitement, for joy and yes shock. This was not our plan but this was God's plan, how sovereign is He. 

2nd trimester, before the Tigers game

Our first doctors appointment she talked to us for a few, gave us some information and said, 'Well let's take a look at the baby!' Ian and I looked at each other, surprised because we didn't know we'd get an ultrasound this soon. On the screen the baby didn't appear... she said, 'I see a yolk sack, that's it, I don't see the baby.' My heart dropped... 'oh no' I thought, I tried not to cry and the doctor said "Wait, don't worry just yet, we're going to send you to this other place, they have a better ultrasound machine that can detect babies before they show up on my machine." She said something along those lines, that's what I heard anyways. Within an hour we were in another waiting room at a specialized ultrasound place. We go in and I'm freaked, I couldn't eat, drink or anything... I was so nervous. We get inside the room and I get an internal ultrasound. The technician says "You see that?" AND I DO. A little flutter of a heartbeat. Ian does a fist pump, I breath and all feels good in my little world. She said the ultrasound machine at our doctors only detects the baby at so many weeks and our dates were off, blah blah the baby is fine, you're this far along, blah blah.  That was a relief to say the very least!

As the months went by Ian and I always had a countdown on our calendar the date until our next appointment - we got to see the baby, hear the beating of it's heart and inch closer each day to meeting him/her. In the beginning of the second trimester, at my monthly appointment I asked the doctor when we could find out the gender. She said, next appointment for sure but she'd take a look now... Ian and I shoot glances at each other and thought "cool!" The doctor is moving her little ultrasound wand around and says, that could be umbilical cord but I don't know, I think I'm seeing a boy. She then concludes that 'she's guesses we have a little boy on the way,' but she'll confirm next month. What an awful month of waiting... I told myself I wouldn't think just boy because it wasn't confirmed, to not let my mind be fixated on our baby being a boy because it might not be! 

Ian sleeping wih Aubrie's blanket

Well you know what happens... we get to our next appointment and baby's legs are crossed, closed shut! How great! Luckily we had another appointment the next day to get other tests done and they were going to try to determine the gender as well. So we had another shot! I was antsy and excited, as the ultrasound technician measured baby's thigh bone, skull, etc. As she did that, I saw and I knew. I saw the absence of boyhood but didn't say anything, she had to confirm it. The technician referred to the baby as she before she told us it was a boy or girl (Ian didn't notice). At the end of the ultrasound she said finally, 'do you want to know the gender' and I already knew but Ian said yes and she said, 'Look here, you see those 3 lines, she's definitely a she!' It was so obvious, plain as day, legs open wide this time, proving that she was NOT a boy. Ian said something along the lines of "Uh oh!" and again, I cried. 

After Ian let me get it all out in the car I knew that this was another way God was saying, you are not in control of this... I AM! I cried because I thought I knew, because I had fixated my thoughts on a boy and because dang-it, I had guessed wrong. Ian spent days encouraging me, and expressing his own excitement for a daughter. He left me notes in the morning before work saying things like, "Have a good day, I love my girls!" and within a week or so I was over the feeling of shock or disappointment that what I thought was a boy was our little girl. Our Aubrie Lilian. 

We had liked that name before I got pregnant so when we found out it was a girl, Ian says, 'it was always Aubrie'. We were totally unsure of boy names but knew one day we'd have an Aubrie. I wanted to 'think of other names' after we found out but Ian always said 'no, it's Aubrie!' I picked her middle name Lilian and I felt so clever and confident in Aubrie Lilian. I love Lilian because Lil Ian - it's darling to me. Ian thinks it's cute too. 

Preparing her room!

So middle of the second trimester we find out that what our doctor guessed was a boy was just our little Aubrie Lilian playing games with us. As the months went on and my belly grew, Ian and I LOVED feeling her move around. The first time Ian felt her kick was priceless. I had felt her for the first time driving just that day and had tears of joy that as I sang 'Gungor's song Beautiful Things' I felt one of the beautiful things the Lord had made right inside of me, dancing along. Ian and I were in bed and I was telling him all about it and he says 'Ah man! I want to feel her kick!' He then scoots down on the bed and says, 'Aubrie, kick for your daddy!' He puts his hand there in anticipation and... she does! One little pop right into her daddys hand. The look on Ians face at that moment makes me want cry right now just thinking of it. He smiled so genuine, he was excited and confident. He told her thank you, moved back up next to me and all felt good in my little world. 

Those are some of my favorite memories and milestones in this pregnancy. I hope I never forget them. This journey with Papa God, baby, Ian and I has been amazing. The way God has worked in Ian, myself and our marriage in the past 9 months is simply astonishing. Both of our hearts have been prepared, exposed, filled and surprised at the majesty of God. This has been a beautiful season of life. 

The anticipation now is unreal, knowing it's just days away until we hold her is almost too much to stand! The days feel long and lame as we wait. I'm praying, praying and praying for all the thoughts and anxiety I have about this unknown of motherhood and a family of 3. The Lord's peace is constant and comforting. I am so blessed to have Ian, our marriage has grown and strengthened so much through these changes already. He's been to every single appointment, he's prayed daily for our family, he's rubbed my back, read to me while I take a bath, helped me put on socks, ALWAYS gets me water, constantly encourages me, reminds me that I'm beautiful and loved. I'm so fortunate to be married to such a Godly man. I hope I don't portray him as perfect he's DEFINITELY NOT but he does love me and is pretty good at it. 

My last belly shot!!!

I feel that Ian is almost as excited as I am about Aubrie's arrival.  One of my favorite memories of this pregnancy happened a few nights ago... Because I can't sleep well and am up half the night, I catch Ian sleep talking sometimes. It's funny, and I like to try and get him to say weird things to which he usually ignores and keeps sleeping. But the other night I'm laying next to him reading a breastfeeding book and I hear 'I can't wait to hold her,' and because I wasn't really paying attention or listening well I said "What? Hold who?" and he responds, "I can't wait to hold Aubrie." I just sit there as he rolls over, deep in sleep and thank God that Aubrie will have Ian for a daddy. 

I am thankful for SO many things. My heart overflows. God is good and deserves glory, honor and praise. If we were to just sit and ponder for a lifetime on the blessings, grace, and love of God it wouldn't be enough. I am blown away by the love I've experienced from God, in a few instances in the past few months. And oh, it goes FAR beyond that. 

Cheers to 39 weeks of pregnancy, it's been awesome... I'm now VERY READY for baby girl to be here! 

-----

How far along?: 39 weeks

Quality of sleep: Not good, not good at all... hence the reason I'm writing this at almost 3am. Maybe I'm just getting prepared for Aubrie not allowing me to sleep through the night anyways. I love to sleep but motherhood calls! 

Best moment this week: Ian sleep talking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love him!  

Movement: Mostly in the middle of the night keeping me up. The other day she was moving around SO much I thought for sure she was trying to escape. I told her, "keep moving around, notice how there's no room left in there? Yeah? That means you can come on out!"  

Food cravings / aversions: I don't even care. I just want to not be hungry and I'm not even picky anymore.

How's mama?: Scared. Not of labor or delivery but of this new completely unknown season in life. I'm cranky, antsy, emotional, excited, thankful, HAPPY, I'm just a little of everything right now :)  

What am I looking forward to?: Looking at her. Watching Ian hold her. Nursing. Being able to bend over. 

Weight gain: 37 lbs. I gained 2 lbs last week, geeze oh petes! So that's a total of 37 lbs. this pregnancy, under my 40 lbs goal! I wonder how long it'll take me to lose it? 

Pregnancy / 38 Weeks

How far along?: 38 weeks

Quality of sleep: Oh how things change in a matter of days... Sleeping has not come very easy to me lately. I can't fall asleep until after 3am and I'm not sleeping well. I end up sleeping until at least noon and feel like my day is wasted. It's okay though, in a few days I'll have a whole new and different sleeping schedule because of baby girl :)



Best moment this week: Ian and I got to spend a lot of quality time together this week, I loved it! He made us spaghetti the other night.  At our doctor's appointment this week I was a little discouraged because I'm not having any pre-labor progress. Which doesn't happen with every woman so I don't know why I was so bummed. But it's always wonderful to feel her kicking around, and listening to her heartbeat at the doctors office. 



Movement: I love feeling her move. Sometimes I feel like it's this special 'thing' between us, that only her, I  and God know :) Late at night when I can't sleep and she's moving around, it's not so bad. It's like I know when she's awake or changing positions - it's awesome.  I can feel that she's moved down, she's not so high up - which feels much better! I can feel her butt and back too! I know she's getting pretty cramped up in there, she's running out of room. Which is good - I'd like to meet her now! 



Food cravings / aversions: I haven't been feeling like much dairy lately. I'm usually a big fan of a hot bagel with cream cheese or a cold glass of milk... but lately all I want is ice water and steak. Haha seriously. 



How's mama?: READY. Feeling pretty terrible as far as my body goes but so eager and giddy in my spirit. I'm so excited for this adventure to begin. I'm also feeling overwhelmed, like there's not enough hours in the day and because I sleep so late the things I want to get done - I can't.  



What am I looking forward to?: Sunday, looking at this house we like, making cookies with my mom, sister, cousins and aunts and going to church service the last time as a family of two. I'm also looking forward to nursing our girl when she comes... I'm so excited about it!



Weight gain: 35 lbs. Yippie. I can't wait to work out... I feel like I've been s...l...o...w for far too long. 

Pregnancy / 37 Weeks

Finally to the point where I'm 'done' being pregnant. Our girl is full term (yay!) and I'm ready to feel normal. The anticipation is crazier than ever. I think about her, and how our lives will change in this amazing new season almost constantly. Exactly 2 weeks from today Ian and I will be at the hospital waiting for her arrival. Two weeks?! 14 days?! I never thought it'd get here and yet, I feel like I need more time. Time for what I'm not sure - this whole thing is just surreal. I've yet to pack our hospital bag and I'm waiting on this nursing book to come in so I can read the first few chapters. We need to figure out how to put her car seat in the car. I have to finish making and purchasing the modest gifts for our family. I want to clean out the fridge, deep clean the bathroom, straighten up the back porch, take a bath for days and sleep for days. That's all! Oh yeah and find a house and clean out my car (especially the trunk) that's all really. Ha! I if I get all that done, I'll be very surprised. Ian promised to help with a few of those things, so hopefully this week we can knock em' out - things are always more pleasant with Ian's company. He's also very helpful and handy, geeze I love him so much!

I really had to pee, haha

Ian took a picture of me so I took one of him :)

Just a quick picture of the outfit Aubrie will wear going home - so cute!!!

  

Pregnancy / 36 Weeks

How far along?: 36 weeks, 2 days


Quality of sleep: I feel like one of the only activities I'm good at these days is sleeping. I'm strangely very use to waking up a few times in the night to use the bathroom and reposition to get comfortable. The other night I slept 10 hours straight and I woke up in a very weird state, I felt like something was wrong because I hadn't gotten up at all in the night.  


Best moment this week: When Ian and I were poking around in Aubrie's room, laughing about how cute and tiny her socks are, trying on her little body carrier (that was hilarious, let me tell you), getting her car seat ready and what not. It was surreal - thinking that she will be her by the end of the month, in that car seat - wow! Ian also woke me up this morning with breakfast in bed. A hot egg sandwich, grapes on the side and a cold glass of milk. It was such a pleasant surprise. I am SO thankful for my husband, he makes me feel so loved. I ate my breakfast and went back to bad for 2 hours - it was lovely. That was another 'best' moment this week. (I love Ian!)


Movement: I've  had a few more kicks to the ribcage - that hasn't been too fun but, I LOVE feeling her move. I love watching my belly as she moves around and laying in bed at night trying to fall back asleep she seriously entertains me by all her movements. Ian swore he felt her foot the other day, it felt like a longer lump to me, but maybe! 


Food cravings / aversions: Eating. Another activity I'm sure good at aside from sleeping. I'm not too set on specific foods, I'm just hungry. I like meat and cheese a lot. I do not like being hungry, haha :) That's all for food. 


How's mama?: Excited. Excited. Excited. Tired. Achy. I've been distracted by my discomfort and I want to be more focused on the blessing God has given me by carrying a baby into the world and how good He is to me, us, all the time. How I can be distracted from His goodness and faithfulness reveals to me the depth of my sinful heart and draws me to His grace and peace. I want to rest there forever. 


What am I looking forward to?: Well last night while Ian and I were watching Monk, I got bored and decided Aubrie doesn't have enough cute headbands so I made her a few. I used an old tee-shirt and cut, sewed, braided, scrunched and twisted up some pink headbands for her. I'm looking forward to putting them on her little head, kissing her face and being her mama! 


Weight gain: I'm sharing this information because I'm confident I will lose it all within (hopefully) 6 months of Aubers being here, haha :) Anyways, I'm up 32 lbs. GEEZE. 

Pregnancy / 34 Weeks

Pregnancy Update ---

How far along?: 34 weeks, 2 days

Quality of sleep: Other then the constant feeling of having to urinate, good. As long as I have a pillow between my legs and am touching my hubby somehow (via spooning, footsie, body pillowing etc.) I'm in a peaceful slumber!

Best moment this week: Doctor's appointment! We heard her little heartbeat! It never get's old or less exciting :) When the Dr. was pushing around on my belly her heart rate would go up... It was really cool to hear, she may have been annoyed by the disturbance or excited by the attention, either way she was responsive :)

Movement: Today's been more of a chill day it seems. It could be that I'm getting a little more use to her movements or haven't been paying close enough attention, but she's been wiggling around a good bit. Some not so pleasant feeling, but hey, no complaints!

Food cravings / aversions: I'll eat just about anything right now. Always love my shells and cheese, some hot pizza and a bagel cream cheese, yum! Oh yeah ice cream too - Ian picked out some cupcake ice-cream, YES PLEASE. On the contrary, I don't feel like salty snacks of any kind.

How's mama?: Waddling, getting geeked, and a little more sentimental it seems. My heart feels softer, I feel more vulnerable, and at the same time peaceful and content. Thank you Father God.

What am I looking forward to: Going pee when I finish this post and cuddling with Ian :)

Weight gain: 27-28ish - not too worried, I SHOULD be under 40lb weight gain when Aubrie girl gets here and that was my ideal max.

House Update ---

Bid is in. Patience in essential. It's all in God's hand's now, it's extremely hard not to stress or over-think it but rather trust His perfect plan. Typing to remind myself: I have everything I need in You, Jesus, it's just a house, I trust You.

Weekend Update ---

Ian and I have been up-north a few nights and we'll stay a few more in this secluded cabin as a 'babymoon' before Aubrie girl get here. It's perfect for us, watching movies, playing chess, eating yummy food, relaxing in the hot tub, talking, playing the question game and just being together. I love my husband so much, spending uninterrupted alone time with him for days on end is beautiful! I am so thankful to God for the work he's done in Ian and I and how it's affected our marriage. At the end of the day, I may not be the best cook, or have my hair pinned all nice like, I'm not the biggest fan of make-up and I can't make clothes, I'm not a coupon queen or DIY diva (which I want to be), but I have invested time, prayer, and effort in our marriage and I think thus far, it's been well worth it. The Lord is showing me the beauty of friendship in marriage and how being a wife can definitely bring Glory to His name.

That's all I want... to bring Glory to God.

Pregnancy / 33 Weeks

My favorite day of the week... Saturday! I love that Ian and I get to spend the day together, doing nothing or sometimes, something. Last Saturday was spent in pj's, watching movies, eating pizza, reading to each other... just being 'besties' we call it :) Today he's sleepy so while he naps, I write.

We're going to look inside a few houses tomorrow morning. Eeeek! We're both pretty excited, but we don't want to get our hopes up or get too ahead of ourselves. I love that Ian and I go to church service on Sunday night - it's lovely having our mornings to get breakfast, sleep in and enjoy the afternoon. It's also convenient for days like tomorrow when we're looking in some houses.

Aubrie girl and I hit the 33 week mark yesterday! This whole pregnancy thing is definitely not getting any easier. While I can think of at least 15 things to complain about in regards to the changes my body is going through, the aches, pains, moods, etc. I won't do it. I will not give in to grumbling about uncomfortable results of our baby girl growing. I am so thankful to Papa God for His will, His timing and the perfect peace he has given Ian and I throughout this pregnancy.

So instead I will list what I love about being pregnant: 

1.) That a miracle of God has occurred inside my body. The process of conception in general is astonishing. It's beautiful that minutes after conception, cells are already diving and multiplying to form a genetic code! After a few days of travel, our girl was snug in my uterus. That's just week 1-2 and so many marvelous things have already taken place. I am so thankful to the Lord God for the intricacies of prenatal development. 

2.) Ultrasound pictures! My favorite was week 10 and week 14. At week 10 Aubrie was still looking like a tadpole, with a little tail, no neck and little arm and leg buds. When we went back to the doctor at 14 weeks... OH MY GOODNESS. We saw no nail, a neck, a defined spine, arms and legs moving around, a round belly and a more proportioned body. It was amazing. All that in a month, how cool! 

3.) How funny my body is with food now. I want the weirdest things sometimes and am so fickle at other times. One minute a steak will sound delicious, so my awesome Ian will say "Let's go get you a steak baby," and as we sit down at the restaurant I need pasta! Haha, Ian is so understanding, he says one of the things he loves about me is that I never bore him :) Or the time when I insisted we go get a pumpkin pie and once we got home I didn't want it anymore and went to bed. Only during pregnancy are these food behaviors acceptable or entertaining. 

4.) My and Ian's relationship. Being pregnant has brought up some excellent conversations, some wonderfully intimate times and a totally new season of life we get to experience together. To hear Ian pray for our girl, talk about her, get SO excited when she's moving around literally melts my heart. I love the ways God is preparing him to be a daddy - just being a witness to it makes me feel important. When I'm sure he feels similar in the reverse. As scripture states a wife is to be a "helper" of sorts and I know Ian and I love our roles as husband and wife but he has been such a helper to me. Him reading to me while I take baths because of back pain, rubbing my back, putting on my socks, always getting me water, makes me feel so loved. It's great to share this pregnancy process with my Ian.

5.) Feeling our girl move. I love that especially lately I feel move all the time! I know when she's napping and when she's feeling energetic. It's beautiful knowing she's alive, well and growing, getting ready to make her grand entrance! 

6.) My faith. Talk about something out of my control. Pregnancy has given me a new insight to God's sovereignty, His will and trusting Him. Ian and I were surprised by the news of my pregnancy - it was a total, "Ok God, You got this!" type of moment. We had no control over choosing the gender (that was especially interesting when our doctor said boy and a month later it was confirmed GIRL). We're left to prayer for her overall health, development and growth. Then the thoughts and heart change that go into preparing to be a mama - intense! I've learned so much.  Papa God is all Ian and I can rely on in regards to Aubrie and we are learning daily to trust Him more. I feel that I've been challenged and strengthened in my view of the Creator God by Him getting the glory for ALL THINGS, but namely Aubrie Lilian. 

7.) Baby clothes! This one may seem lame to some but I get so excited looking at those little outfits. I didn't know 'shoes' came that small or that a tiny onesie would make me smile and daydream. Cool thing about having a girl, the clothes are so incredible cute :)

I think that complete's my list today of why being pregnant is delightful! Cheers.

Pregnancy / 32 Weeks

How far along?: 32 weeks, 5 days

Quality of sleep: The more the better! Besides waking up a few times to empty my bladder that baby girl is actually just sitting on - I sleep soundly, deeply, for a long time and all snuggled by my Ian. I love it, sleep is one of my favorite things right now. 

Best moment this week: The other day I decided to take a bath because my back was hurting so much. As I laid back in the tub I saw Aubrie shift from one side of my belly to the other. It was the coolest thing to watch! Feeling movements is so interesting but seeing them is so fun! She then gave me a little entertainment while I sat in the tub, she moved, shifted, rolled, kicked and possibly hiccuped. Maybe she already loves bath time too?

Movement: When she’s not sleeping, she moves a good amount :) I love it.

Food cravings/aversions: Currently yes to: Cheeseburgers of all kinds, purple grapes, mac & cheese (duh) and yesterday I was really craving Sprite… WEIRD because I don’t like pop?! Currently no to: French fries, salt & vinegar chips and hummus.

How’s mama?: Excited, tired, nervous, grateful and prayerful. As far as my body, it’s feeling worse daily but my spirit is feeling comforted, loved and blessed. Thank you Father God. 

What I am looking forward to: Because I’m already 8 months I’m going to think real short term here and say… the finishing touches on Aubrie’s room, washing her clothes and diapers. 

Weight gain: From my last appointment Wednesday I gained half a pound, so that makes it 24 pounds. Whatever, grow baby, grow!